Time.

Yesterday I started in on a project I have wanted to get done for awhile now - organize and consolidate all the photos that are on my laptop onto one large zip drive so I can free up space on the computer and phones and iPad, and so I can actually find the things I'm looking for when I go looking for it.  I typically offload all the photos onto the laptop when it's time to do the annual photo calendar for the grandmothers, and I pick through and find the ones I want to use and then never bother deleting the ones that are super blurry, or the ones with faces like this:

(Okay, I'm keeping that one, but you get my point.)

I decided that it needed to happen and while moving the work-based stuff was easy, getting the family photos under control was another.  However, once I got into the mysterious file folders yesterday, I realized something super precious that we have and never actually look at: videos.  Before our son was born in 2009, we decided to buy an iPhone, a then relatively new thing in the world, so that we would be able to take videos and send them to my in-laws in Florida.  And right after he was born and for a couple of years after, we did that all the time. 

Watching these short little clips of moments of my babies' lives (and I watched them all, believe me) and getting to hear their tiny little voices, or seeing them when they couldn't even talk or move or feed themselves, I realized that they are old.  And they will never be that little again.  And they were cute, gosh darnit.  And time is flying by.

I looked at silly things, like favorite clothes that no longer fit, or toys that are long gone now, and remembered those moments so vividly from when they happened - and it all seems like it just happened.  But that boy and that girl are almost five years older than those photos above.  He's got a mouthful of adult teeth and she has hair down to her rear end.

I have never been one of those moms who gets sad when a stage comes to an end.  Moving on from bottles?  Awesome.  Done with the Diaper Genie?  Hallelujah.  Everyone can climb into the car themselves?  Excellent.  But watching those videos and seeing their tiny little faces made me sad.  Sad that they won't be that little and that innocent and that free again.  Sad that we can't go back and visit those ages again.  And sad that when you're in the thick of it, you don't enjoy it like you should.

I also realized that we've got so much going on now, and with both kids in school all day we don't take pictures as much as we should, and video is almost non-existent.  I enjoyed watching these little snippets from their past and I want to make sure that we have even more of them to enjoy before they get even bigger and turn into angsty teenagers who won't let us take their picture.  So even though I decided not to put any official goals on myself this year, I'm adding this to the unofficial goals list.  And then while I'm at it I'm going to print out some of my favorite photos and put them in an actual album that the kids can flip through, because they love looking at when they were little, and so do I.